 UEI: Part 1 |
The Ultimate Enya InterviewPart 2
"Can we talk about
my arm?" " Your arm?" "It bends! Look! Reply author: kerrykait E: Now that you mention it yes. We told the press that I had been in a car accident, but that wasn't true; you see, Roma hit me with a hatchet. COT: Roma Ryan?? E: No, of course, not - Roman Downey! COT: Of Touched by an Angel? E: She's touched all right. COT: Do you watch TV at all, Enya? E: Listen you wingnut, I told you earlier that my TV is possessed! Don't you listen?? COT: Have you tried exorcism? E: Well, I work out in the gym once in a while. COT: Just a moment, I feel faint... (COT takes a drink of a funny coloured liquid..) COT: There now, that's better. Enya, have you ever done an interview that you really enjoyed? E: Yes, Rosie's. COT: Rosie O'Donnell? E: Yes, she invited me out for Guinness and bowling. COT: And did you? E: Did I what? COT: Go bowling and drinking?? E: Why would I do that? COT: Because Rosie invited you to! E: Who's Rosie? Is she one of my cats? COT: Enya, my dear, would you like some of this funny coloured liquid?
Reply author: davyd E: Before I became famous, I worked in my dad's pub. You name it, I've drunk it. COT: I get that impression. You've often discussed doing a live concert, but you haven't. Why not? E: Some of my songs need 100 voices. I can't imagine trying to work with 100 other prima donnas. Besides, how I am I going to play 15 keyboards at once? COT: You could have other players assist you. E: But I never wrote anything down; it was all in my head. So there's no sheet music to read from. COT: (gritting her teeth) When can we expect your next album? E: I don't know. I keep having to stop work to go do crazy interviews.
Reply author: cyberblaine COT: Enough! ENOUGH! *Breathes heavily, and then puts on a psychotic smile* E: Oh, I'm not being annoying, am I? COT: EXTREMELY. Now, do you have any plans at all for a new album? Are you working on any new songs? E: *crying* Maybe, but why should I tell you? COT: Maybe because you're GETTING PAID! E: Oh, yea! *immediately turns all happy and cheery again* Well, yes, I have been working on a remix of a plethora of my songs...would you like to hear it so far? COT: Oh, why not... E: Okay...here goes: Let me sail let me sail, let the Perficio flow, let me paint, let me paint, paint the sky with all my stars, let me dance let me dance to the bard on my CD, let me play, let me play, play the guitar on my song "I Want Tomorrow" and then blow up a car in the end of my video after being posessed by some weird sun demon... COT: Um, very nice, but I don't think the last part quite fits in with the rhyme scheme... E: That's what YOU think...Nicky and Roma think it sounds OK...wait, they thought it was OK in my dream... COT: *sighs* Speaking of dreams, have you ever came up with a song or part of a song from a dream or daydream? E: Well, if you're talking about the little voices that speak to me...HEY! QUIET DOWN IN THERE! COT: Ehem...next question: uh oh! WHERE's MY CUE CARD!
Reply author: Princess Donegal E: *pulls cue cards from pocket* Here we are! COT: And how did you get these? E: I picked your pocket when you weren't looking. COT: *snatches them away* So now you're a thief, too? E: How dare you insult me like that! The nerve! I'll call Nicky! COT: And what's he going to do? E: One word, lady: Fugees. COT: Oh. Nevermind. So, how's your family? E: Big. COT: No no, I meant how are they doing? E: Small? COT: Whatever. Have you ever owned a dog? E: Maire had a dog once, but - COT: THANK YOU, but none of that. Tell us a funny childhood story. E: Maire had this bird once and I - COT: STOP!!! How many poor, defenseless creatures have you eaten? E: *sticks out her fingers and starts counting* One, two, three... what comes next? COT: Four. E: Which reminds me, Maire used to have a Chia pet. COT: Let me guess. You ate it?
Reply author: kerrykait E: No, they give me gas. (Enya burps and then stares out the studio window.) COT: What on earth are you doing? E: A little urban renewal. COT: My car, my BMW! It just blew up!! E: Next question? COT: Oh, yes. Enya, what do you think of all those fans who post countless messages on the forum at enya.com? E: They are all hopelessly in love with me? COT: Anything else? E: They need to get a life? COT: Seriously, Enya, what would you want to say to your devoted fans? E: I read every single post and I will do whatever they tell me to do. I am under their control. COT: Hm, reminds me of Nicky... E: Cyanide, do YOU like my music? COT: Um, it's MY show and I'll ask the questions! E: Ok, go on. COT: What is your very favourite song? E: Vanilla Sky. I love vanilla! Vanilla cats, especially. COT: Let me rephrase that: what song by "Enya" is your favourite?
Reply author: Princess Donegal E: Marble Halls. COT: I'm sorry, did you just give me a straight answer? E: No. COT: Are you sure? E: No you fool, I'm Enya. Kind of like Quenya. That's q-u-E-N-Y-A, so it's a bit of a coincidence, I suppose! HAHAHAHA!!! COT: And I'm sure that makes your parents very proud. E: No, I think the success goes more to my head than my parents'. COT: Oh, is that what you've got rattling around in there? Success? E: It's rattling? I thought I had that fixed! COT: Let's change the subject. You pick something, and we'll talk about it. E: Can we talk about my arm? COT: Your arm? E: It bends! Look! COT: Wow. Impressive. E: And I have a sixth toe, too! Wanna see? COT: Have you ever considered joining the circus? I think you'd fit in very well. E: I was in the circus once, but they fired me. COT: Why? E: I was eating all the animals. COT: I think I'm going to cry.
Reply author: kerrykait (COT breaks down and sobs; Enya kindly hands her a kleenex) E: See, I can be nice! COT: Thank you, Enya. Now, what, in your view, is the meaning of life? E: Only time will tell, since each heart is a pilgrim, and, if once you had gold, now you may have silver inches. We wander through marble halls, look for our way home, feeling like a wild child, but in the book of days we will all experience lazy days, unless we want tomorrow, in which case wait until the first of autum and call Isobella in the morning... and then COT: Techies, can you turn this Universal Translator (StarTrek/TM) off, PLEASE??? E: Am I boring you? COT: No, it's time for my meds. Would you like some too? E: Only if you want to. COT: Is everyone in your family like you?
Reply author: Princess Donegal E: They're a little strange, but my love for them is neverending. COT: Strange compared to the average person, or strange compared to you? E: Strange for anyone. They don't like to eat cats! COT: Well neither do I. E: Then you're strange, too. COT: Yeah. So anyway, shall we continue? E: As long as you let me tell a story. COT: As long as you don't eat anyone. E: Deal. One day, I was walking down the street when a funny little man came up to me and said something about "Would I like to try a sample?" and I said, "Sure, little man!" so he gave me this toothpick with a piece of chicken on the end with special sauce, and I said to him, "Oh, is this special sauce?" and he said "Yes," and I said "Can you tell me what it is?" and he said "No," and I said "Why?" and he said "Because it's a secret," and I said "But I want to know!" and he said "But I can't tell you," and I said "Why not?" and he said "Be quiet and leave me alone," and I said, "But your secret sauce is very yummy!" and he said, "If you don't go away, I'm calling the cops and having you arrested for harrassment!" and I said "Well look here, sir, but that isn't very nice," and he said "SECURITY!" and then I ate him and made off with the special sauce. COT: ... E: *pulls jars out of her purse* Want one? My gift to you. COT: ...
Reply author: kerrykait COT: Excuse me (she turns around and barfs into a bucket) E: Would you like some Pepto-Brennan? COT: What? I have never heard of Pepto-Brennan. E: Oh yes, it's my Baba's special drink: take one four-leaf clover, one bottle of whiskey, one ounce of cat COT: Stop right there! E: But it's pink too! COT: Pepto-Brennan? E: No silly, your face right now! COT: Enya, if you could do anything in the world, what would it be? Work for world peace? Save starving children? Cure cancer? E:I would send Celine Dion to Mars. COT: That's important? E: Well, it sure would be more peaceful here on earth. COT: Anything else you'd like to spend your huge fortune on?
Reply author: cyberblaine E: Yes. Buying some more exotic animals...I'm getting tired of cats and donkeys. COT: I think I'm going to be sick. E: I told you to take some of my Pepto-Brennan! COT: I don't care if I was DYING, I'd never take any of your Pepto-Brennan! E: What if I gave you this special piece of meat that I saved from yesterday's dinner? *gets a strange red glow in her eyes* COT: *Takes meat* YUM! This is really good! How DID Nicky prepare it? E: Well, first he killed Orinoco... COT: What's that? E: My cat, silly! COT: I think I might need some of that Pepto-Brennan after all. E: Here you go! *points her finger at it and blows it up* MUAHAHAHAHAHA... COT: I did see that video, but I didn't know you could do it in real life! E: Aren't surprises lovely? COT: Ehem...besides blowing things up and singing and writing music, do you have any other talents? E: I can play the harp with my feet. COT: I would LOVE to hear you play a song for us on one, but I'm afraid we don't have one handy. E: That's ok! *pulls out INFLATE-A-HARP*
Reply author: davyd COT: I think it's time we went to a commercial break. E: You can't do that; this is noncommercial TV! COT: Since when? E: Since I bought the station. I hate commercials! COT: (speechless) E: Now that my inflatable harp is blown up, let me get my shoes off ... COT: (puts on gas mask) E: (begins to play "Bard dance" on her harp with her feet) COT: OMG! You really DO have 6 toes on each foot!
Reply author: kerrykait E: Yes, and it makes it easier to play this harp! I can do "Danny Boy" with just one foot, too. COT: What other amazing talents do you have? E: Well, you do know that I play every instrument on earth? COT: So I heard, but it's all synthesized, isn't it? E: No, it's supersized. COT: No, I mean you use an electronic keyboard! E: But I don't type, although I Baba does. Only she's not my type. COT: No, she's your Mother. E: Do you know my Mother? COT: No, and I don't care to at this point. Was she the one who got you started in music? E: Yes, she held me on her lap when she played the piano. COT: When you were a toddler? E: No, just before "Frog Prince" was due. COT: Enya, were you a slow starter?
Reply author: Princess Donegal E: No! Mammy made sure I ate a nice, big breakfast every morning. COT: What do you usually eat for breakfast? E: Heheheh... COT: I set myself up for that one, didn't I? E: I EAT CATS!!! COT: *noticing the network censors again* How about we talk about your younger years. What were you like as a teenager? E: For starters, I was breathtakingly beautiful. Every man in all of Dore wanted me - all nine of them. COT: That's right, you grew up in quite a tiny place. What was that like? E: There were more cats than people. *pats her tummy* COT: Is that healthy? Are cats high in fat and cholesterol? E: Yes, but I eat a very well-balanced diet. I eat more than just cats, you know. COT: Maire's garden plants? E: Aside from those. I eat a lot of grass. I grow it in my library. COT: Isn't a library a little dark to be growing grass? E: I grow EnyaSod. It needs no light. COT: All plants need light. E: Not EnyaSod. It's magical. If you mix the brew the right way, that is. COT: Eye of newt, chicken's blood? E: Scotch. Puts hair on your chest, puts grass in the dirt. COT: Do you drink? E: Only in Junius. COT: Junius? E: I bought the calendar. I renamed all the months. COT: You can't do that! E: Well I did. COT: What other things have you bought that will cause mass confusion throught the known world? E: I recently purchased the rights to oxygen. I know own the world's air supply. COT: Are you planning on charging people to breathe?
Reply author: kerrykait E: Only certain ones, like you, for example. (COT starts to cough and turn blue; Enya whips out a bottle) E: Here, take a deep breath of this. Now, don't you feel better? COT: Why yes, what is that? E: I call it Irish Spring. You can get a lifetime supply for only 1 million Euros. COT: What else do you own? E: The planets. I've renamed them too, There's Donegal, Dom, Yankee, Persephone, Michalis, Poopsey, Tetley, Baba, and Maire (that's the smallest one). COT: Didn't someone named an asteroid after you? E: Don't be a pain in the asteroid! COT: OK, Enya, whatever.... why not name the biggest planet Enya, after your ego? E: Silly twit, "Enya" is the new name of the Sun! COT: Are you planning on going nova soon? |
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